The Tallest Gene
by MisterTabi
Summary: As Zim recovers from his self sustained blow of the knowledge of the truth of his mission, he gains a new state of mind. Utilizing the genius available to him, Zim plans to show that even the short ones can become Taller than the Tallest.
1. Probings and Junk Mail

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

**Irken Military Base, System location: **

**Sol System of the human homeworld 'Earth'**

**Zim's base, Level six, Control Room Alpha**

"_Really, _Zim._ And what in the name of Irk makes this plan so...much..er..._better _than the others_?" spoke Tallest Red in a bored voice, "_None of your plans have ever worked, what makes you think this will?_" "_Yeah! I mean remember when the earth-meat fused to your face and then you attempted to take over an orphanage?_" There was a general laughter at Purple's random comment, Red, looking more annoyed than usual, sighed and sneered down at Zim, "_Is there anything else you require Zim? We Tallest do have other...'_Invaders'_ to speak with._" The squat little creature before them shook his head, eyes glossy red, "None at all my Tallest, none at all...Well, I have much to prepare for my Tallest. Invader Zim signing out."

Tallest Red and Purple's sneering faces then disappeared without a trace from Zim's viewing screen. He held a gloved three clawed-hand to his eyes. Opening the clenched hand, he let his PAK begin the healing process of repairing his over-tightened hand. Today it had been over his usual melodramatic plans. Zim gave a guttural screech at the view-screen, he swiped his still un-healed claws at it, ripping circuits out and bashing the screen with his head. "COMPUTER!" "...Um...yes?" "How goes the search?" rasped the still-enraged Zim as he presides over the dying view-screen. "I haven't found anything yet, but there is something quite strange...I have found another set of probes within one of the minor security cells."

He straightened slightly and hobbled towards the doorway of the control room, "Dib, eh? Destroy it. How much does he know?" Whispered the hunched figure from the doorway. "Nothing at all, I had taken security measures at the moment it had been placed. He may still be within the base. Shall I activate the security drones?" spoke the Computer through the internal speakers around Zim. "No, leave the pig-stink be. He will not find anything useful. Continue the search." The doors closed, shutting the room in absolute darkness.

- - - - -

A figure clad in a skintight jumpsuit endowed with several military-grade cloaking devices Dr. Membrane had created during his time in a Military Contract with the US government. Dib was in one of the hundreds of ventilation systems through out the alien base, he pulled out a large device the size of a football and attached it to a set of the wires he had cut in the ventilation shaft. So far he had placed seventy of such probes, each one would take the irken's data, compile it, and send it to his laptop. Ever since Zim's PAK had attached itself to his back, the fiasco had left him a nagging feeling of uncertainty every time he thought about Zim.

Clearing his head, he climbed out of the shaft and headed back planet-side. The journey was relatively uneventful, except where he was nearly detected by one of the security drones that was prowling about near the secondary power generators near the top levels of the base.Zim's base was full of security drones nowadays, ever since he had taken the alien's PAK. He climbed out of the sewer from whence he had used to get into Zim's lopsided base and breathed a sigh of relief of a job well done.

The large-headed boy peeled off his jumpsuit to reveal the usual choice of clothing, black boots, a black t-shirt with a demented smiley face on it, and a trenchcoat. He pressed a button on it and tossed it onto the manhole before closing it. Glancing back at the lopsided and very much alien-looking house, Dib ran pell-mell back to his house. He rushed past the Membrane Residential Security system, humming the X-Files and the Mysterious Mysteries theme song perfectly as the password.

He opened the door, shouted, 'I'M HOME!' before running upstairs to his room as his sister Gaz totally ignored him and tripped him back down the stairs on her way down to the kitchen for a poop cola. This didn't stop Dib in his run for his room, where each of his probes should be sending huge waves of data from that irken's base. And then he'll have the proof to gain back the gaze of SEB Network and thus prove to them why Zim is such a threat to Earth.

Slamming the door shut, with hrydrolics turning on locking it, Dib ran to his computer and tapped a few keys into the keyboard. The console turned on, showing that all probes were green and fully functional. "Good...now lets see what we can leech from Zim's base..." he muttered under his breath as he began to type in irken symbols into the computer. Almost as once a window opened up and began to fill with irken letters.

_Jackpot! _

Dib couldn't help but jump from his seat and whoop in delight. "Zim must not be expecting try and hack into his mainframe so soon, so no wonder there are no major security programs! YES!" HE continued to whoop and shout ''YES! TAKE THAT ZIM!" until someone shouted from below:

"Son, I hope you aren't dooing very nastily natural things with yourself upstairs with your computer...Remember last time?"

Alas. That was a different story, and thus another tale to be told later.

* * *

**Zim's base, Level ten, Main Control Center**

"Transmiting trash data to enemy probe systems. Transfers complete. Gene search 99.78 complete. Would you like to view the result master?" droned the bored Computer as it monotonely shifted past thousands of genes in the samples collected over the years. "No...not yet, how many satisfactory samples have been found?"

"...Checking...Seventeen samples have been screened to be satisfactory."

Zim shifted his weight in the hover chair as he thought to himself. In the two years he had been on this impossibly polluted planet, the Irken plotted to take over the worthless dirt ball for his leaders. But doubt grew as they continued to laugh at him and wave him away. Was he not on a secret mission to bring Earth to it's knees before the mighty Irken Armada? Was he not here to help Impending Doom 2 move onwards? The doubt grew. GIR, still insane, grew a sort of child-like personality similar to that of an eight-year old earth-child. Only with lasers and junk for brains. Doubt continue to rack at Zim for the year that went by.

Doubt was the thing that killed soldiers, when they were in doubt of their leader's orders, that was why the emotion supression system was created for the PAK. Fear, Pity, all these worthless emotions were what hindered the military of the Irken Empire. but there was a chink in Zim's own PAK that allowed him to have some inkling of doubt. Wekks went by as Zim brooded on thoughts that would be considered treason by his society. Soon it was apparent to Zim that he was a failure. Even when he came to the conclusion, he refused to accept it and raged at himself, the Computer, GIR, Dib, at the Tallests.

The emotions that had been hindered by his EES in his PAK could no longer stop it's torrent. He broke things in fustration, bouts of prolonged anger.

His fears became reality.

Zim even wept.

Zim was broken.

Then came the acceptance. The months that GIR and the Computer both tried to help their master accept the fact he was defective, the consolation that help heal the unseen wounds in the little Irken's mind.

Even as they did so, Dib continue to attack Zim at every opportune moment, at Skool, at home, in the streets. Zim failed to defend against the human child's attack but grew in strength. He learned to gain strength from pain and failures. His pride no longer clouded his judgment and senses.

"Computer, show me the samples," spoke Zim quietly. There was a moment, as seventeen genetic samples appeared in front of him, in an unbreakable vial, stopper securely and all. Samples collection from millions of Irkens. The gene-pool of both defective and otherwise. While recovering from his madness, the Tallest called _him_. They seemed 'concerned' for him. But he knew they were wondering if he was dead or not. They seemed slightly taken aback at his sudden coldness, and emotionless response and thought him sick with some Earth-borne disease, of which Zim supplied with an affirmative response. Dib tried to break him some time afterwards, planting probes and such again trying to gain evidence for his peers in the Swollen Eyeball Network.

Zim had heard of the organization before from Dib's rants during his bouts of madness. A network of people that were similar to Dib, but much more level-headed. Further investigation proved that they were much more than several dozen people trying to be much more than they were in actuality. The SEN had been in existence for a long time, since the second World War on Earth, trying to figure out the alien technology that had been accidentally shot down by stray missiles. A Vortian ship saucer craft often used for scouting purposes. He dismissed the SEN, but had the Computer keep a close eye on them in case.

His second call from the Tallests Red and Purple proved to be rewarding; to them Zim's health seemed to have improved. Unfortunately, as they seemed to be wilting in dismay. Then he was struck with a brilliant idea, and a very illegal and dangerous one. Cutting the call short on grounds of a major power drain, Zim embarked on one of the most common and outlawed experiments in Irken history, a way to become Tall.

That was why he sent probes of his own _magnificent_ design to collect samples from Irk's own genetical plants, where they kept the genes for the Smeet Factories located deep under the crust, under impossibly heavily guard. Even so, Zim managed to retrieve over twenty million genetic samples from their archives. A testament to his defective genius. Of the twenty million samples from the Irken gene pool available to him, only a handful were useful.

Twenty million became a thousand.

That thousand dwindled to three hundred.

That three hundred soon became the seventeen samples before his eyes.

And it had taken his base the better part of the year to sort through them all. The irken casually picked up the vial and read the data for it. His jaw dropped, and so did the vial and it clattered thr ground. A robotic hand picked the vial up and placed it back in it's place. "Computer! How can this be?" Zim shouted, his mind reeling from the information that picked at him at this moment.

"How can the Almighty Shortest have the Tallest Gene?!"

The Computer thought about it and shrugged, in his own computer ways, "Ummm...I dunno."

* * *

**The beginning has come! Ideas accepted, flames not so much. **

** - TArVa**


	2. Shock and Food Fights

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

**Irken Military Base, System location: **

**Sol System of the human homeworld 'Earth'**

**Zim's base, Level ten, Main Control Center**

"Ummm...I dunno," replied the Computer, giving it's equivalent of a shrug. Zim's mind whirled as he digested the news that the Almighty Shortest could have the genes to become Tall. He was the truly most none Shortest irken alive. The Almighty Shortest was also one of the former Tallest, but he was chosen not for his height, but also for his intellect and war tactics. That was during the ages where they fought back the beings known as the Swarm. insect-like creatures like the Irkens, but more hive-minded and primal. They had a queen known as the Unu, which was also the name of the largest nest and hive, of the Killiks. They were attempting to assimilate the Irkens into a hive-mind and thus into a subspecies. The war lasted several millennia, until the Almight Shortest defeated them in a great titanic battle over their homeworld, the Saraska.

There were six great Irken Generals commended for the victory, many receiving medals and awards from the Tallests at the time. The Almight Shortest at the time was, as his name implies, was very short. Despite the prejudice against him, the odds of which the other Irken Generals shortened as they tried to take credit for his tactics and victories, they all failed.

The Shortest Irken alive was made the Almighty Tallest for the turn of the century. Though unprecedented, he was a beacon of hope to all the many service-drones forced to do menial and horrible work because of their height-status.

But that beacon of hope soon shattered as the dying Killiks sent one final attack, with what few of their species and sub-species remained, with a bio-weapon engineered just for the Irken race. The Killik spceies were wiped out, their taint gone from the galaxy. However, the Plague took their place. Irkens infected with the Plague could pass it onto any other Irken, without even needing to touch or be in contact with that Irken. It destroyed their ability to reproduce. Irken propoganda swore it was simply because sex was a pointless ideal and that cloning was such a cleaner process.

With some difficulty, and for the sake of preserving the Irken race, the Almighty Shortest worked with the Vortians on a new kind of cloning technology. That technology would evolved into the smeet factories deep down below Irk's crust. Soon the Almighty Shortest succumbed to a mutated version of the virus, it was made just for him. The Killiks made sure that once he would become infected it would mutate and kill him in the most painful way possible.

It did.

_Good Irk...this has become complicated..._ thought Zim as he shifted through the data, the Almighty Shortest had the specific genes to become 5'4'! Not as tall as Red or Purple, but frankly an astounding discovery. He shifted through the rest of the samples. At least a third of the samples contained in the vials were genes of very short, but undeniably powerful and genius shot irkens. Then did that mean it was an explanation about why most Tallests were extremely...eh...it would treason to say so, but seeing as both Red and Purple were without a doubt one of the most stupid irkens he had ever seen. He caught himself and looked around in paranoia before shutting off the programs containing his research.

"Computer," spoke Zim as he walked towards the turbolift. "Yes?" "Create a serum and the simulations for what would happen if i were use it."

* * *

**Skool, Lunch time. Cafeteria.**

Lunch time as usual, with the regular high toxic plutonium embedded within the cafeteria food, supposedly first confirmed by Einstein when he himself was eating at his labs. His friends Ivan and Dillon were the two people to talk to the school about it, the cafeteria denied it, somehow managing to hide the homemade nuclear reactor that heated the food.

Zim poked at the obviously fake cafeteria food cautiously, as did every single boy and girl in the room, reading from a history book he had borrowed from the library. That was until a certain worm-baby broke the usual chatter. "Whats the matter, _ZIM_? Earth food too _toxic_ for your alien tongue to eat?" drawled the large-headed Dib with his eyes gleaming through his glasses. Zim sighed and turned back to the human, "The cafeteria food is _always_ toxic. Why do you think _no one_ eats it?" Dib opened his mouth to say something caustic in return, but oddly enough found himself defeated for the moment.

Zim turned a page slowly, enough to provoke Dib into another accusation. "And that book, why're you even studying it? We don't even have a history class at Skool!" "What, I can't even _read_ now? I'm bored, besides, this is the only other book thats actually _interesting_ enough in the whole Skool library. Unless that is too complicated for your large-headed cranium to understand, _Dib_." Savoring the hatred and defeat on Dib's face as he continued to hold the bored facial expression on his green features, Zim chuckled inwardly as he turned back to the chapter on World War II. "Pathetic human worm-baby..."

Dib slouched back to his table amid the laughter, most of which was directed at him. Gaz glanced at her brother and smiled as she hit level ninety-seven, "You got pwned Dib. Face it." "No I didn't, he is working on something...I _know it_! I hacked into his base, and I found tons and tons of data from the probes I put in...Theres so much data on my computer I had to get extra data chips to hold it all...They'll all be translated into english by tonight _and then I'll have enough evidence to_..." Dib's rant was cut short as a muffin hit him in the face.

He picked himself up, slightly dazed and confused as he touched the muffin attached to his large forehead. Then Zim's voice rang out from the far side of the cafeteria.

"Heres a pork cow, so shut up!" Kids started jeering and laughing until a random boy shouted out, "That a freakin muffin!" "SILENCE, you will not speak to Zim about pork or cow muffins!"

Dib ripped the muffin off...ooh its chocolate...He shook his head like a rhino and launched himself onto the offending alien. Zim apparently knew what was about to happen and jumped out of the way. Before landing onto the mutant cafeteria lunch, Dib saw Zim's eyes glint evilly as the history book struck the back of his head, making him see stars and mutant cafeteria lunch.

"FOOD FIGHT!" shouted Zim as he took off through the doors leading to the classrooms. Dib stood up, his eyes covered in tears from the pain and hobbled after Zim, only for a packet of what looked like an _eyeball_...

**SPLAT**

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the short fic here. Decided to add a little fight. Review plz. **

** - TaRVa**


	3. Trash Data and a Death of a Computer

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

**Membrane Residence, bathroom.**

Dib growled curses and damnation to the irken that caused that food fight. Not only was he in a weeks worth of detentions with Ms Bitters, he had to clean up the entire Cafeteria, along with several other kids; Gaz included. But she had her fist of doom that would cause any teacher to look the other way. So it wasn't her problem. He turned on the tap water and began to wash his face clean of the moldy substance on his face. Whatever that flying glob of..._stuff_ was, it began to decay and mold over as soon as it touch his skin.

Fortunately he knew exactly what would kill it.

Hot water sizzled as pieces of the mold burned away, the water cleaned his skin and removed any remaining traces of the stuff from his face. Just to make sure he took a short shower.

The shower lasted for a while, as Dib made sure the mold had not reached his scythe, in other words his hair, and other parts of his body. After that, a small raid into his Dad's underground labs for an anti-mold solution and some equipment that his dad never used for one reason or another. Professor Membrane would never notice them gone. Dib dumped the things inside his room, read the manual on the solution before putting it on his face and made a quick raid into the fridge. Nothing much in there, except for a few slices of old pepperoni pizza and three cans of soda. He took a slice and a can, throwing the pizza into the microwave for a minute before going back up into his room.

"Now to see what Zim is up to..." he muttered as he flicked on the computers. He gazed fondly at his homemade computer hardware, partially based on his reversed-engineered designs of Irken Technology. The computer was almost three times as fast as his dad's quantum computer and it could probe just about anything on Earth. With the exception of the one place where he took some of that technology. The probes were gone, presumably removed and destroyed by Zim's security. But still, the vast amount of data he had collected amounted to over sixty thousand terabytes! Even his Dad's data chips could not hold so much information, at any day his dad would be proud of him for creating such an advanced form of a USB, but he would only sigh dejectedly at him about how he would choose to use it for parascience.

Dib tapped a few keys and watched the data scrolled across his window in english.

** exc. program initiated... /e. ...trash data compiled...errors...**

**...trash data compiled...**

**...trash data compiled...  
**

**...Errors detected...**

** r ...trash data-**

The screen went blank. Dib's jaw was hanging as the computer crashed.

- - - - -

Gaz was just eating the last slice of pizza and drinking a cola when she heard a wretched scream upstairs, followed by a trail of curses that even coaxed a raise of an eyebrow as she settled on the couch to watched TV.

"Whiner..."

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter, but things have been a bit stressed for me lately. Some guy called my house while I was sleeping this morning claiming to be me. Then my parents took the call...**

**Chaos ensues. Anyways, reviews very much appreciated. Constructive critics wanted.**

** - TaRvA**


	4. Eating Food and Building Stuff

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

**Zim's base**

"Master? I'm hungry."

Zim raised a nonexistant eyebrow and turned in his hoverchair to look at his robot. He was reviewing the few reports the Computer had filed in response to his order on self-experimentation. GIR's cyan eyes peered back imploringly. Like a hungry robot earth puppy.

"Ehhh, don't we have food in the fridge?"

"I ate it all," replied the defective SIR unit dejectedly, "Its empty now."

"But I just stocked it up yesterday," exclaimed Zim in surprise, "Don't tell me you ate it all already!"

"Umm," mumbled GIR as he shuffled his feet nervously, "Would it make you feel better if I lied?"

The Invader stared at his robot servant for a few minutes before sighing violently and digging into his red-pink and purple uniform and pulling out a wallet. "Heres seven hundred earth dollars," he said, picking out the with his clawed hands, "But. You can only spend fifty dollars. Heres the list of food I want you to buy."

During his two year stay on earth, Zim's appetite had been on mainly Irken carbohydrate 'SNACKs', which soon grew tiresome. Human meat was soo polluted to devour. The water and sea-life were the same. The base's water system cleansed the water vapor around it and collected it into pure drinkable liquid. Over time, Zim developed a taste for vegetables and breads. His temporary episode of germ-phobia evaporated as his attration to bread pastries increased. Taste buds for fruits were apllied when he devoured an apple-pie for reasons best left unknown. His own garden (attached to the hydrolics system) grew fruits for his and GIR's general consumption.

GIR took the pro-offered money andran off with a squeal of pure unadulterated delight. "I'm gonna get myself some donuts!"

"Get me a couple chocolate ones," yelled Zim after the SIR unit as it rocketed up the elevator shaft without pause, leaving a GIR-shaped hole in the elevator itself. Now that the excitement was gone, Zim returned to looking over the report.

The Computer had decided that injecting the gene-spliced serum was a risky move. There was fifty-percent chance that the serum would cause his body to swell up and explode. The same chance would also happen, by turning his body into a metamorphosis cacoon and slowly change his body into that of a Tall irken.

Both chances were extremely risky, too risky for the ingeniousness of Zim to be done over so. Surely thre was an alternative? "Computer! What if I were to take it, in gradual doses?"

"Uh...umm...hmmm," pondered the super computer thoughtfully, "I suppose that could work. Your metabolic rate of energy consumption is naturally high. If you consume more food, your body will have more energy to convert into cells during your-"

"So I need to eat more while taking the serum, increasing my meal size over time?

"...Uh...yeah. I suppose."

"When is GIR coming back?"

There was a resounding crash upstairs, many levels up with a certain SIR unit shouting, "LUCY-GOOSEY! I'M HOME!"

- - - - -

**Membrane Residence, Dib's Room**

"Zim. I'm going to rip that damn alien apart with my bare hands," growled the parascientist darkly as he slapped together several panels of motherboards fashioned from several old computers in the garage. Soldering irons sealed several brightly colored wires to the superconductor that was surrounded by cannabalized irken technology. His laptop had proved to be unsalvagable. Fortunately, he had a backup disk that held the last updated system for his recently heart-attacked laptop. Unfortunately, he hadn't updated it in a month. Better than nothing.

He pulled some wired around the cylinder and soldered the ends to the conductor, "Once I finish this, put in a new firewall, I'll be sure to send Zim a nice thank you present."

He giggled, which blew into an overblown laugh. He laughed until-

"Son, you had better not be using my experimental narcotics! Those aren't ready yet!"

His laughing spree cut short, Dib returned to building a new computer in silence.

* * *

**Been awhile since I last updated this. Fortunately, my muse has returned. Hurrah!**


	5. Successes and Inapproprate Laughter

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" Droned the _slightly_ apprehensive monotone voice of the Computer, "This is dangerous to your health. There is a forty percent chance of survival-"

"Do not lecture me on the conclusion I drew up myself," said Zim with a glare, "I have been ingesting the dosages regularly with my food. The loss of sugar in my diet is...saddening."

Irkens were beings whose diet developed mainly of carbohydrates and only a few essentially nutrients. Almost all of which were fatty and full of sugar. Their bodies processed food very fast, making obese irkens exeedingly rare. For Zim, this meant his diet were made of little to no sugars, less carbohydrates, and quite a lot of nutrients of a variety of quantity that any normal Irken would need. Unless they were growing Taller. The serum that he had created reacted badly to highly concentrated amounts of sugars and carbohydrates. At first, Zim thought his high metabolism rate would burn the carbs and sugars faster than the serum could react to it. He was wrong. With multiple tests ending in failure, he concluded in order to take the correct dosages, he'd have to gradually starve himself.

Each day that passed, his bright green skin paled. Predictably, Dib noticed and jeered loudly that his mortal enemy must be suffering from some sort of disease. The fact that Zim made a extremelyaccurate presentation of being a buffoon that was trying to hide something in vain made Dib feel all the more happy.

Dib got detention for pulling a scalpel out at trying to gut Zim with it after that. He was also assigned a counselor later that afternoon.

But that smelly pig-stink got one thing right, each day that passed made his body feel sicker and sicker. His PAK converted processed carbohydrates and sugars constantly to create energy for it's user, but could not do so fast enough to sustain him. Even so, in the face of starvation, the serum's effects were indeed working. Zim could feel it as he trudged up the steps of his base.

He could feel it even as he closed the doors. His eyes.

Distantly, he could hear GIR crying out in surprise as he fell forwards onto the ground.

- - - - -

**A week later...**

- - - - -

Dib was worried. Extremely worried. Zim hadn't appeared at Skool for five days straight. His absence was noticed only by him and Miss Bitters, the latter being more happy by the second. She personally excused Zim's absences as sick-leave. He recieved a lashing for his continued questioning about it. He ranted to everyone, his father, Gaz, and anyone else who would listen. On the evening of the seventh day, he entered the alien's mockery of and ordinary home.

He had infiltrated Zim's base dozens of times. But it was the first time he had encountered no resistance whatsoever. No defense Gnose, security systems. Not even Gir. The house was dark, looked and smelled unused. The lifts that lead down to the base deep underground below were inoperable. He managed, climbing down into the bowels of the base. The computers were flickering, with only white static to show the human paranormal investigator for his troubles. He jacked his newly constructed laptop into a nearby computer console on the wall. Quickly he initiated several programs and ran sixty-eight hundred quad-trillion numbers and cracked the security password in a few seconds. His eyes ran over the irken data, reading the alien language once, and again to confirm what he was reading.

The entire base was completely devoid of life, let alone the alien he was looking for. His eye caught a stray data symbol and tapped on his keyboard. There was a single room in the entire base, and it was where all the power was being headed into. The translator finished it's work, showing two words: **Medical Bay**.

- - - - -

"Masta?"

Zim opened his eyes slowly. The light seemed to darken, giving his unused eyes time to adjust. "Gir," he rasped, "Where...am I?"

"You fell over and died, and then I got the 'puter to bring you to the doctors and then you were like this for a...a week," came the garbled reply.

"A week?!"

He shot up, out of the vat of slim that had kept his body going for the entirety of the Growing Stage. Immediately, he knew something was wrong. The place seemed suddenly so...far way.

"W-wha-what is this?"

"The experiment worked," droned the Computer, "I had to shut down all power to keep you alive, but it worked. You are now Tall."

"How tall?" Whispered Zim hoarsely, "How tall?"

"Seven feet three inches," replied the AI in monotone voice hesitantly, "a full foot taller than...the formerly Tallests themselves..."

"Even taller than even..." Rasped Zim as he stumbled about, his naked flesh now thin and muscled. No fat remained, all muscled and 'buff' as human would call it, tough meat, and thinner than a Rogash Corndog, "Heh...ehehheheh...hehaha...Hahaha!"

"With this...I shall take my rightful place as the _Almighty Tallest_," roared Zim, straining his unused newly formed vocal cords, "Now _I_ shall rule the Irken Empire!"

The Computer and Gir joined in laughter with their master as an amazed, shocked, awed, and totally gobsmacked Dib watched from his computer laptop.

Suddenly, the lights turned on. Every computer ran diagnostics and security systems rebooted. By the time the patrol bots were doing their duty in the many hallways of the base, Dib was already out of the house and running pellmell to his house.

He had proof. For the Swollen Eyeballs, but will it be enough?

Or will it be too late?

* * *

**DONE! Hallelujah!**


	6. Reports and Power Outages

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

"The evidence is rather...unreal," Agent Darkbootie finally said.

"I still say the footage was faked," said a silhouette with a key for an earring, "Mothman has consistently failed to prove his theories. His evidence seems to sudden to be real..."

Agent Mothman gritted his teeth, "Dammit, why can't you believe me?! What about all the samples I sent? The machines, parts, the data?"

Darkbootie turned slightly to the side to glance at something and nodded, "Yes, I have wondered about those samples...What did you do with them anyway, Nessie?"

Agent Nessie sighed and typed on the keyboard before replying.

"From what I've been able to glean, the information is genuine. But the physical samples Mothman have sent us are too...impossible. I can't believe it."

"What?! You mean you had this data the entire time?" Exclaimed Disembodied Head, "You mean to say Agent Mothman has been sending the relevant data to you and you haven't bothered to go further into researching them simply because you can't _believe_ it?!"

"It isn't how it sounds!"

"Then pray tell how does it sound? You haven't been wrong about anything thus far Nessie, but I had hoped since that last incident with the Chubacabra had knocked some sense into you!"

"OI!"

The arguing heads of the Swollen Eyeball Network stopped arguing with their screens and turned their silhouettes to look at Dib.

"Despite the fact you still don't believe me about Zim, I have a mission to finish and that means beating that Irken! Hes preparing to take over the Irken Empire! Hes become...Tall!"

"Errr," mumbled Tuna Ghost skepically, "_Tall_?"

"Irkens have a hiercarchy based of height, the taller you are, the higher your position," explained Dib frantically, "The Almighty Tallests are their leaders, their Icon of royalty and power! And Zim is taller than them!"

The Agents stared at him, but this time instead of revulsion they seemed to be complentating him carefully. Agent Darkbootie sighed, "Well Agent Mothman we-"

Whatever they were going to say didn't seem to matter as the entire house suddenly began to tremble slightly. Lights flickering Dib looked around fearfully. The Eyeball Network appeared to be having the same problem. Darkbootie's screen was hazy now and partially filled with white static. Nessies had become silent, and the other two had been shouting in fear.

"Did you feel that Mothman?" Asked Darkbootie, "People are shouting...Nessie? Nessie? Are you there?"

"Shes been disconnected," said the blurry image of Disembodied Head with a cough, "Whatever it was, it was poqerful. My ccomputers are saying that the entire United State's power grid has been drained!"

"By whom?"

"The coordinates point directly to your area code Agent Mothman! The address of that Zam!"

"Zim," groaned Dib as he massaged his aching head. That alien loved givinging him migraines.

"I'm sending our best people, Agent Mothman," said Darkbootie, suddenly crisp and military-like, "Tuna Ghost, round up the old crowd, no doubt the General is aware of the situation. I'll meet you at the alien's home."

Dib nodded, "Yessir!"

* * *

** DONE! Hallelujah!**


	7. Girl Goes Crazy and All That Stuff

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

Running down the stairs, past a grumbling Gaz still wearing her thumbs out on another Vampire Piggy Hunter game, past his dad who was shouting for Dib to come back at once, but Dib paid the man no attention. He had to go, to stop Zim.

Lights were flickering constantly overhead as the entire world's entire energy supply was being vacuumed into the alien's base. Whirling past the running boy were dozens of police carrs, APCs, and even helicopters. Neighbors and other civilians stepped out into the warm night that was getting hotter as Summer break neared closer and closer. Skidding across the sidewalk and around the corner, Dib Membrane came upon a scene that he could have only imagined in his worst fears come true far back when Zim was truly an insignificant threat. Military tents and large heavy barricades with sandbags surrounded the entire section of the neighborhood. Tanks, attack airships, soldiers with rifles and artillery pieces had been placed. Their sights were all centered on that eccentricly built house. As far as Dib could see, the house appeared to be empty. There were no lights, no movement. Nothing to suggest, despite the oddness of the house itself, that the world's supply of power was being drained into that single household. Looking around as civilians were herded away hurriedly, as a long column of heavy tanks rolled by, he saw a black van with a white patterned logo of the Network pull into the checkpoint where he stood.

"Oi! No civilians here," shouted a soldier to Dib, "Go home!"

"I'm with the Eyeball Network-" Started Dib, only to be halted by a heavy glove falling to his shoulder.

Looking up, the boy's eyes widened as he was pushed away by the leader of a group of soldiers just recently deposited off a Chinook. They were all heavily armed, dressed in Special operations uniforms and were making their way to Zim's fake house. Dib yelled out for them to stop, but was forcibly silences as they entered the home, weapons raised. Behind Dib, a thin man in a gray suit and blue tie watched calmly, a fat cigar in his meaty hand, an aide with folder, and two soldiers standing nervously next to him.

"You there, boy," he barked in an obvious southern texan accent, "Yes, you!"

Dib turned around, his hands tightening on his alien-hybrid laptop slightly, narrowed his eyes, "What do you want?"

The soldier's eyes hardened as they moved threateningly, but the cigar-wielding man raised a hand and walked to Dib, his shades obscuring his eyes.

"I am the head honcho of this operation. Intel says you know more about this whole mess than the rest us," grunted the man, "That right?"

"Who are you?"

"You can call me Colonel Hank," he replied.

Dib stiffened as to harden his resolve and nodded, "I've broke into Zim's base dozens of times. I have samples of his technology and reversed engineers some of it-"

"-Which your father used to create some of the newer applications in military technology," replied the Colonel dismissively, "Fact remains, you're the sole human being with an idea what this alien is capable of. So tell me. What do you think a thirty-man team against this Zim can do?"

"I pity those men," sighed Dib.

"What was that?!" Growled one of the soldiers.

"Let me just say this, Colonel," said Dib, his eyes cold behind his glasses.

Colonel Hank shushed his bodyguards and nodded, "What?"

"They're all dead. You've done nothing more than produce of thirty pieces of meat."

- - - - -

**Zim's Base, Upper Levels  
**

"Tango Leader, I see no contacts. I am advancing to next corridor," muttered a Spec Ops soldier as he cautiously advanced down the pink, red, and purple hall way. Getting through the fake house's defenses were easy, navigating the lower levels of this place was even harder. The elevator that was hidden behind the couch, misplaced toilet, and trashcans brought them all to a holding area where computer consoles with flickering screens and mismatched lit corridors were the dominant scene. The place was eerily quiet, with only the sounds of their weapons being shifted here and there being made. A soldier held up his hand as they neared the end of the hall, which branched off into three more corridors. With a Fiber-Optic linked up to his headset, he could see around the corner. The two hallways led to a door with red lights, possibly locked. The last hallway showed a small figure scratching it head before moving towards them.

"Tango Leader, we have contact. Permission to engage?"

"Permission granted Tango Four."

Through the fiber-optic, bright cyan eyes eyes the size of a plate blinked and turned red.

Fifteen soldiers sprang from behind their corner of the wall and opened fire with 7.62x51mm NATO rounds from multiple LWRC SRT Automatic Rifles. Sparks erupted from the small figure, whose metal body was illuminated from the gunfire, it's cackling mouth wide open as a bright red burst of light struck a man. The fire slowed for a moment as robot and Spec Ops soldiers glanced, horrified, at their fallen comrade.

Robert Grant, 34, of the Elite Special Forces 4th Task Force, looked down eyes glazing over at the cauterized stump of his right arm before keeling over in a dead faint. Another burst of red light shot out of the laughing robot and struck the poor man in the chest, killing him and spreading the smell of cooked meat all over the place. Still laughing, the machine watched as the group scattered, firing bursts from behind their corner, a few bold enough to run towards him, as they unloaded their magazines into him. Arms splitting, GIR revealed two wrist-guns and began firing indiscriminatly from his position. Pouring shot into one human, he paused for a breath before laughing again, expelling a copious amount of steam before firing another laser into the group.

It missed and struck a wall, leaving a melting hole. Someone brought out an M4 Carbine and fired a shot with it's underslung 40mm Grenade Launcher right into Gir's wide screaming mouth.

The explosion sent a spread of smoke and fire everywhere, forcing the troops back, with only the dogtags of their fallen comrades in hand.

"Tango Team! What the hell is going on in there?!"

"Encountered a contact, sir! It's armed with DEWs! We're pulling out," said a shaken soldier, "Three dead, sir and...holy..."

"Heheheeheeahahahahee!" Cackled an undamaged GIR as it stepped out of the smoke, it's large head nearly split in half with a wide mouth full of sizzling weapons. his little body was impossibly full of heavy ordnance. hands completely covered in wrist guns, rocket launchers, lasers waiting to be unleashed.

"Withdraw! Withdraw!"

"Headquarters! HEADQUARTERS! This is the Infiltration Unit Commander-!"

"I love this show!" Squeaked Gir as it mentally pulled the trigger on all it's weapons.

Carnage never before seen struck down seven soldiers with one devastating explosion as walls melted, computer consoles were blasted apart, bodies vaporized. Tango team was down to a few men, and with the arrival of Sierra Team brought both reinforcements and a new toy.

A glowing missile struck another soldier, vaporizing his body, two more soldiers, and the alien alloy they were standing on. What few men raised their weapons and fired once more into the little robot. Unlike the previous attack, this one came in the form of hot blue bolts of plasma. The smoke cleared, revealing six men and women, holding heavy rifles with cords attached to a heavy liquid gas-cooled backpack. The first volley cascaded into GIR, leaving small pits in his body. The second volley pushed him back again and again. His little antenae squealed and created a dome-like shield over the robot, shielding it from any further attack. Then he ran towards them, weapons sliding back into his body as his arms seemed to blur right before his shield deactivated. The robot plowed into the stunned and disorientated soldiers like a Tyranasourus Rex in a Glass Shop. Body parts flew everywhere, heads rolled, partitioned necks gushed fountains of blood thirty feet into the air.

Finally, everything stopped.

"Chzzz...Comma...mander? Commander! Whe...Chzzz...happening?"

Curiously, Gir bent down to pick up a burnt human hand, still clutching the headset as the operator on the other side tried to get a hold of the now dismembered Unit Commander.

"Hellooooo?"

"Who is this? You aren't the Unit Commander!" Squawked the Operator on the headset, "Indentify youself at once!"

"Byeeeeee!"

Cranking open his mouth, GIR swallowed the hand, headset and all. With a smile, despite covered in gore and human fluids, he hugged himself.

"I love Earth!"

* * *

**First battle done!  
**


	8. Laughing Alien Part I

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

The makeshift command tent had dozens of machine stuffed into it, high power radio transmitters, banks of computers and, a single large segmented Plasma Screen had been dedicated to watching what Tango and Seirra Team could see. They saw GIR, which Dib explained to the military present was a dysfunctional SIR Unit

"Commander! Commander, do you read? Come in!" Said the radio operator desperately before looking up at Colonel Hank, "Sir, they aren't responding."

Dib sighed and shuddered at the images on the screen, of bodies partially cooked, blackened, with blood all over the place. A woman in combat fatigues had turned green and vomited onto the floor. No one bothered cleaning that up.

"Hellooooo?"

Gir's voice filtered through the static as the camera buckled and jiggled, putting a large Cyan eye into the screen as the robot picked the head set, up.

"Who is this? You aren't the Unit Commander!" Squawked the Operator on the headset, "Identify yourself at once!"

"Byeeeeee!"

The camera jiggled loudly as they saw the machine open it's maw and swallow the camera, killing the image on the screen.

Colonel Hank harrumphed and looked down at the elementary boy in front of him, "Now what?"

"Nothing."

Eyes blinked, heads turned as people turned and looked at the little boy as his glasses reflected light.

Hank blinked several times before narrowing his eyes and lips tightened on his cigar, "Why."

"Because there isn't anything to be done, sir," said Dib carefully, "Were those pulse plasma guns the best you had?"

"No," replied the Colonel calmly as he chewed on the end of his cancer-inducing deathstick, "We've got a particle beam platform on the moon. A lot of other projects, but otherwise just the city-killing laser."

"Is it operational?"

"Yes. Why? Can it take out this Zim?"

Dib shrugged, "The only way to find out is if we try."

"Boy, you are talking about using a multi-gigaton city killing laser on a single alien. Thats just overkill," replied the Colonel as he spat out the cigar stub and crushed the sparks out with his boot. But a smile grew on his face, "But then again, I like overkill."

- - - - -

High above in space, on the surface of the moon, a large moon base, previously hidden within one of the many craters that pockmarked it's face, whirled to life. The particle beam cannon was a marvel of engineering by human standards, holding a twenty two gigatons per shot of 'Fuck You' that could vaporize a city and leave a large greasy crater behind. The base of the cannon whined as it maneuvered the weapon towards it's target.

A set of computer-based sights settled down directly at a large bizarre looking house.

- - - - -

While Gir cleaned up himself from the short battle with human special forces, the Irken Invader was working on his backpack, modifying certain functions he deemed were no longer needed.

"Master, human authorties are evacuating the city," droned the Computer.

Zim looked up from his work, eyes narrowing, "I see. What about the _Dib_-Human?"

"He appears to be working with the military forces present in the area. Human transmissions are becoming increasingly heavily encrypted, not that it poses a challenge to _me_," droned the Computer with a hint of pride, "However, they mentioned some form of particle weapon stationed up on this planet's single moon."

"Very well," Zim went back to working on his Pak, "Beam all essentials to my cloaked station and allow them to remove this base with their pathetic weapon. If anything remains, auto-self destruct."

"Yes sir," groaned the Computer almost sadly.

- - - - -

The particle cannon whined into position, it's servos clicking at second intervals, holding the weapon into place. Data streams had confirmed that most of the population had been evacuated from the city. Data confirmed that multiple orbital satellites were in position to concentrate firepower. The cannon's batteries glowed with bubbling energy, raw and unrefined. It's fusion reactors fizzed with barely contained energies as power surged forth.

Data confirmed that all weapon systems were online and optimized for firing.

Data confirmed that the city was now a viable target.

The muzzle of the particle cannons glowed as glowing wisps of energy gathered into a single point, soon forming a tiny ball of blue-white sphere of destruction. The nearby satellites began bombarding the sphere with gamma radiation and exotic matter, enhancing it's already formidable firepower even further.

For a second, the sphere seemed to condense and grow invisible.

That moment passed as a great fount of incandescent white hot blue lightning was sent tumbling down to it's designated target.

- - - - -

Dr. Membrane said nothing, holding onto the helicopter's braces as he watched his son stare out into the window.

Dib watched with trepidation as the sky seemed to burn white as though the sun had decided to come say hello early. His eyes watered as the light increased a dozen times over. The clouds parted to allow a single point of light through, followed by an ever expanding steam of lightning and vaporized matter. His tearing eyes watched as the beam of heavenly might thunder down towards that freaky house. That house that contained Zim.

That alien monster called Zim.

But he doubted that Zim would die from just this.

He doubted it as the dot impacted the house point blank.

The city became a bright sun that was born on the surface of Earth itself.

* * *

Sorry for the delay. In return here is a new chapter! Part 2 coming along shortly!


	9. Laughing Alien Part II

**The Tallest Gene**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Invader Zim. I do own the funniness of this fic tho.**  
**

* * *

A single patch of the earth glowed, amidst a plain of yellow lines and green land crisscrossing across the continent. That patch of land was cropped and bloomed up, zoomed in upon by mechanical eyes. It zoomed in twice more before revealing a small burning crater in the middle of the city. The center of the conflaguration had been his little base. Surprisingly enough, the humans managed to incinerate the entire thing, burning through old prefabricated irken metal in a matter of seconds. But then again, thought Zim, he had let them.

Zim pulled away from the screen, allowing it revert to a complicated set of windows depicting dozens of status reports. It expanded considerably, filling the panamoric windows that spanned the section of his space station. He had fond memories here, he was so close to disecting that annoying human, that rival and arch nemesis Dib-Stink, but that spawnling Gaz had ruined the fun. Either way, he still kept it locked in orbit above the planet, cloaked and hidden from all sensory devices on the planet. Sitting back into a comfortably-well made cushioned chair, he pressed a button and had it float in the air, idly feeding GIR raisins. Pulling out what looked suspiciously like a remote from a side compartment he clicked the device at the screen.

The screen flickered and turned to Channel Five News.

A frantic-looking human in one of their suits was at the crater, the camera-man shakily holding the camera as the reporter spoke, "-ordered mass evacuation for an unspecified reason. The US military has since been unwilling to answer questions or comment. Just mere minutes ago, ONI, the UN's Office of Naval Intelligence revealed a fully functional particle defense cannon originally designed to destroy possible XK-class end-of-the-world asteroids like the ones that had wiped out the dinosaurs. As to why they had just destroyed and entire neighborhood is unknown."

-Click-

"A raging inferno from a direct-energy-weapon by the order of the highest echelons of the United Nation Command," said a calm woman with black skin, "Command staff answered with no comment as to the reason this had been done so."

-Click-

"-and then the whole sky just lights up and a giant pillar of light hits the ground!" Shrieked a young human girl that Zim recognized vaguely as one of the more annoying 'popular' female spawnlings at Skool. He idly wondered if dropping a water balloon from orbit onto her head was worthy a laugh.

"And then, and then, and then," gibbered the blond trying to think of something more to stay on camera longer.

The camera man began turning away when a splash of water hit the screen.

"Where the heck did _that_ come from?"

Zim gave off a shriek of laughter, clutching his thin chest. GIR quickly joined while stuffing his metal face with more raisins.

Still chortling, he tapped several buttons on his command console, bringing up a menu and selecting several orders. First he had the Computer hijack the world's radio channels and lock them down to his signal. Secondly, he quickly had all the remaining defenses on this planet disabled. Thirdly, he cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

-

"He isn't dead," said Dib, "I'm sure of it."

"Is that right, son?" Said the Professor, "No living creature could have survived a sixty megaton beam of destruction concentrated into a single house made of unobtanium."

"Dibs right."

Both of them turned to the sound of Gaz's voice, her head upright and her eyes wide open.

Both males of the Membrane family both felt a shiver of dread, as if the nature of the universe had been twisted to do something completely wrong.

Professor Membrane moved to the cockpit of the helicoptor, "Pilot! Land in that assembly area!"

"Right, sir!" Acknowledged the pilot immediately.

Dib grabbed his cell phone and speed-dialed the Eyeball Squad.

"Hello?" Came a tired Darkbootie's voice.

"Its Dib," said the bespecticled boy, "Where are you?"

"Agent Mothman? Are you alright?"

"Yeah," replied Dib, "Listen where is-"

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

The familiar sound of that irken laugh rang in his ear. He dropped the phone and it clattered to the floor, the tinny laugh still laughing away. But the laugh didn't end. It was still loud, and it was everywhere. His eyes widened as he heard Zim's horrible belly laugh come from the cockpit's radio.

The Professor frowned.

**"Foolish humans! You actually thought that would defeat me?! The all powerful ZIM?! You little creatures are more big-headed than I expected!"**

"Hes hijacked all the radios..." Said Professor Membrane softly. For the first time in years, he took off his goggles, which were showing miniatures of Zim's face as he spoke, "And the internet. That alien just hacked the entire _world_."

And so he had, for his green face and malicious blood red eyes were on every screen, his alien voice speaking from every speaker. The very sound and picture of a superior being being imprinted into every mind on the planet.

Zim continued speaking, his voice pompous and arrogant, **"Your species isn't worth crushing underfoot. Your world is pathetic and filled with savages, beneath the notice of the Irken Empire! You should feel so lucky, you've been nothing but entertainment and boredom. I've had enough of your disgusting habits and your filthiness. I intend to have you _burn_ like the little insects you really are!"**

Dib froze up, his mind racing at the speed of light. _He won't really do it will he? He can, he absolutely can!_

**"But I can't,"** growled Zim, **"But rest assured I will. I'll bring back a fleet so mindboggling huge, your frail human minds will shatter at the mere sight of it! We will blot out the stars! We shall burn your world to a crisp and ground to fuel our furnaces! That, I _promise_."**

One by one, each television, screen and radio turned off.

Dib slumped, falling back against the seat.

Silently, the boy mentally vowed that he would stop Zim. No matter wha-

He blinked as a water balloon emblazoned with the Irken Invader symbol struck his face.

* * *

**HUZZAH!**


End file.
